THE TALES OF LIVING

Background:
I've hung out with this person maybe around 5 times in the last 6 months. It is a casual friendship. It's slowly building. This person does not have Facebook. Let's call them NFU - Non Facebook User. NFU and I only have each others phone numbers. We spoke fairly casually on Monday about maybe hanging out yesterday (Wednesday). I told NFU that I'd text back and confirm on Tuesday evening:

Said and done
No response
Texted back on Wednesday midday "Are we hanging out tonight?"
No response

So here are the alternatives of what might have happened:

NFU is:

1. Busy and not bothered about getting back to me/blowing me off

2. Decided that they doesn't want to hang out with me anymore/giving me the cold shoulder

3. Has been mugged/dropped their phone/somehow deleted my number

Can a one sided friendship really work out?

I have friend that always comes to me for advice but I would never ask him for advice. I think that's the definition of one sided. I sometimes feel like unless I am his friend - he won't have any friends. Whereas, if he's not my friend anymore I don't think that it will make that much of a difference in my life. That might sound harsh but that's how I feel sometimes.

We don't really share any life experiences. We grew up in different family settings and had very different growing up experiences. He didn't really go through the normal teenage years. I'm not saying that I did but our teenage years was very different to one another. He still lives with his family, I live in a different country from mine.

When we do spend time together we mostly hang out at my place. We rarely do things together. When we do spend time together we mostly talk about him and his need to get a girl or how he feels about work of whatever. We don't really have any meaningful or deep connections or conversations.

I feel like in the five or six years that we have known each other - we have grown apart. I feel like I have grown up and he hasn't changed. I was a teenager when we became friends and then we had more  in common that what we have know...

So the big question is can a one sided friendship work or not?

Maybe... Maybe not

In the office, where I am currently a temp. worker they have an interesting way of indicating whether or not the bathroom is available.

It's quite a small office and there is only one bathroom. So outside of it is a life size cardboard cut out of David Beckham with a sign hung around his neck. The sign says vacant on green background on one side and engaged on red background on the other. So when you proceed to the bathroom you flip the sign over. That way the whole office can just glance up and see whether or not the bathroom is occupied.

I can help but think:

My housemate just told me that she wants to gather all the housemates and tell us something tonight...

It could be one of two things I suppose:

Coming home to Sweden is like a detox. Suddenly everything goes quiet, suddenly everything is calm. I live with no money, no keys and no phone for a few weeks. Normally I end up feeling like a spoilt kid - which in a way for those few days living with my parents again I am. We all go back to our normal roles - I go back to being the only child and my parents well... They go back to being my parents.

On top of all of this - I woke up today on Christmas Eve to the sight of this.

A White Christmas - Spoiled brat indeed...

Last few weeks I find myself, when my thoughts are wandering on the bus or wherever. I find myself think of something that has happened -  something arbitrary like a passing conversation with a flatmate or how I dropped my keys trying to open the door or how I passed someone on the street that had on a interesting looking jacket.
Whatever little incident - and whilst I think about it - it takes me about 5 minutes to realise that it has never happened and that I'm just remembering/having a flashback to a dream.

It really freaks me out. It reminds me of a scene from Fight Club, I don't have insomnia probably the opposite of it but still:


I normally have control in my dreams: free will and the understanding that it's a dream. My nightmares are always the dreams where I can not control the storyline or where I don't understand that it's a dream. This déjà vu feeling that I have: thinking back to something that happened in a dream and being convinced that it happened in the real world. It is is a new occurrence in my dream habits so it's really quite strange.

It feels almost like taking a step and realising that you're off balance, almost making me doubt what is real and what isn't - if just for a few minutes.