THE TALES OF LIVING

Apathy - according to all ours source Wikipedia: Apathy (also called impassivity or perfunctoriness) is a state of indifference, or the suppression of emotions such as concern, excitement, motivation and passion.


I will go through these periods, normally just a few days or a week. Where I completely lack motivation, motivation to do anything at all. I normally just lay in bed, watch bad television and basically waste my time.

I had them in college
I would call in sick, lay in bed and do nothing. Listen to sad music and possibly cry - I accredit this to being a teenager and hormones

I had them when I worked, after college
I worked 72 hours a week for about 7 months, then I completely became apathetic and slept pretty much continuously for a month. I accredit this to being worn down and due to some side-effects of a medication I was taking at the time

I had them during university
I would not go to lectures for a week, just sleep and watch bad television in my PJs - I accredit this to the stress of preforming as well as just general student beaviour

I will have them presently
I will have these periods where I just get sick of trying to find and job, the impending doom of the market. I feel like just staying under my covers in bed, so I do for a few days - I accredit this to the stress of being unemployed and the constant temping.

In the office, where I'm temping at the moment, there is a man walking around with a clipboard. Just taking notes and looking at people work. I haven't seen him speak to anyone, ever. I know that the company is going through some kind of 'efficiency reform' - possibly changing departments around and maybe letting people go.

Even though I'll be out of the door in less than a week - I know that it won't effect me. But I still find it surprisingly alarming. Quite unnerving actually.

I wonder how the permeant staff feels?

I've been watching Buckwild on MTV (a bit of a guilty pleasure, I know...). In the cast is a guy called Tyler, who has this strange resemblance, in his looks and some of his mannerism to a guy I used to know when I was 16 - a then object of my affection. Let's call the guy that was the object of my teenage love Blondie - that's what he was called in my diary at the time. On the account of how stupid and air-headed I thought he was.
So watching Buckwild and seeing Tyler, made me think of Blondie and what really went down between us when we were 16. So I reverted back to my diaries..

I think that this is a phenomena in real life but also in the internet world (who am I to talk - I'm writing this blog)

But I think that there is a difference on the Internet - you have chosen to receive information. But in real life sometimes it is just thrown at you - in conversation.

However I think I might be guilty of this, a little bit too much. Every once in a while, read multiple times a week, I'll find myself walking away from a conversation and questioning why it just dropped 'too much information' all over someone. It is not nice and it is certainly not necessary.

Example:
This morning I was relaying a conversation I had with my friend to my housemate. The conversation I had with my friend was regarding the latin quote 'quid pro quo' (translation 'this for that'). My housemate had just woken up and I was telling her how I told my friend that quid pro quo basically means 'to get something you have to give something'. She was not interested nor amused.

Talk to the right people about the right things

In a few places, such as the university ladies room and other places like airports. Where there is a large number of toilet cubicles to choose from in the ladies room:

I will every once in a while realise that I picked exactly the same stall as last time. Why is that? Is it something subconscious that makes you make the same choice? Subconsciously we chose the comfort of familiar over and over again?

It's probably the same factor that makes us chose the same route home from the bus stop every day. It's something mechanic in our bodies acting without our brains and consciousness really reacting.

Do you ever catch yourself out making the same choice again and again?

Every once in a while, I will see this rare breed of people - those who are perfectly put together.

On the bus or on the tube. I will stare at them and try and find some kind of fault. A bit of make up that's not properly put on. Some dirt on their shoes. A tear in their scarf. A stain on their throusers. A strand of hair out of place.

The more I look, the more I realise that everything is in place. How come? Most of the time, when you look at people there will be something out of place, something a little bit disheveled, something that could have been better put together.

Then I think to myself - does anyone any look at me and think that I am perfectly put together?

When walking home, I always feel more comfortable in our little maze of alley ways on our estate than on the big straight roads. Why?

Well, by constantly turning corners and there being multiple ways to go - you have options. You can choose to turn off. There are multiple routes to go down and if you do get surprised there are other alley ways to turn down.

When walking down a straight road with no turn off points, I always feel like I'm leaving my back exposed.

I know that this is a slightly paranoid way to look at it. But there just is something with walking down a straight road, with no connecting alley ways that makes me feel claustrophobic.

Probably the same thing that makes me feel claustrophobic in the open fields of the country side. If I have to choose between:

An open field and a forest
A forest

A straight road or a maze of alley ways
Alley ways

How do you feel if you had to make the choice?

I thought about this the other day in the pub. The life of a bartender - how do you know that girls that are hitting on you are really hitting on you for you?

The Bartender Stereotype
So there is this sexy bartender stereotype - I'm sure that many girls would like to have quick fling with a bartender. So as a bartender, how do you know that the girl coming on to you isn't just into this fantasy?

Making herself look pretty
As a guy when a girl likes you - her spending time on making herself look good would be a clear indication that she likes you. But as a bartender - girls will be looking good when they go out anyway. Plus them touching up make up when going to the ladies room is not really a clear indicator either as this is normal pub/night club behavior for most girls. So the whole making herself look pretty thing completely cancelled out due to the environment.

Is is the alcohol talking?
How do you, as a bartender, know that her talking to you and smiling maybe even flirting - isn't just a result of her being a little bit tipsy?

Could you genuinely meet a girl, to date seriously, when she is a costumer and you are tending the bar?

Background:
I've hung out with this person maybe around 5 times in the last 6 months. It is a casual friendship. It's slowly building. This person does not have Facebook. Let's call them NFU - Non Facebook User. NFU and I only have each others phone numbers. We spoke fairly casually on Monday about maybe hanging out yesterday (Wednesday). I told NFU that I'd text back and confirm on Tuesday evening:

Said and done
No response
Texted back on Wednesday midday "Are we hanging out tonight?"
No response

So here are the alternatives of what might have happened:

NFU is:

1. Busy and not bothered about getting back to me/blowing me off

2. Decided that they doesn't want to hang out with me anymore/giving me the cold shoulder

3. Has been mugged/dropped their phone/somehow deleted my number

Can a one sided friendship really work out?

I have friend that always comes to me for advice but I would never ask him for advice. I think that's the definition of one sided. I sometimes feel like unless I am his friend - he won't have any friends. Whereas, if he's not my friend anymore I don't think that it will make that much of a difference in my life. That might sound harsh but that's how I feel sometimes.

We don't really share any life experiences. We grew up in different family settings and had very different growing up experiences. He didn't really go through the normal teenage years. I'm not saying that I did but our teenage years was very different to one another. He still lives with his family, I live in a different country from mine.

When we do spend time together we mostly hang out at my place. We rarely do things together. When we do spend time together we mostly talk about him and his need to get a girl or how he feels about work of whatever. We don't really have any meaningful or deep connections or conversations.

I feel like in the five or six years that we have known each other - we have grown apart. I feel like I have grown up and he hasn't changed. I was a teenager when we became friends and then we had more  in common that what we have know...

So the big question is can a one sided friendship work or not?

Maybe... Maybe not

In the office, where I am currently a temp. worker they have an interesting way of indicating whether or not the bathroom is available.

It's quite a small office and there is only one bathroom. So outside of it is a life size cardboard cut out of David Beckham with a sign hung around his neck. The sign says vacant on green background on one side and engaged on red background on the other. So when you proceed to the bathroom you flip the sign over. That way the whole office can just glance up and see whether or not the bathroom is occupied.

I can help but think:

My housemate just told me that she wants to gather all the housemates and tell us something tonight...

It could be one of two things I suppose: